peace Archives - Custom Calm

Who Pushes Your Buttons?

Posted by Ellen Sichel on October 27, 2011

Most of the time when we get angry or hurt, it is because we take things personally. We get hooked and react, which not only takes us out of the moment but negatively impacts our physical well being.

Much of our reactions come from family members. We have history with them and when they do something that annoys or hurts us it is because we have made it about us. In reality, it is about them- their thoughts, judgments and behaviors.

I once heard someone talking about how her parents really push her buttons. Someone replied: Remember, they installed them!

One of the most difficult challenges in relationships is to let other be who they are, quirks and all without layering our objections and reactions onto their behavior.

The key is to realize it is really not about us at all, it is about how they see things. When we are able to see this clearly, we can come back to the here and now and go about our day with peace and ease.

In time, maybe those buttons can be uninstalled!

Let me know in the comments below how you react to family. Do you take their behavior personally? If so, can you make a shift to stay in the moment?

Tags: behavior, ease, family, peace, reaction, relationships

Posted in: A Calm Perspective

Create Your Own Reality

Posted by Ellen Sichel on September 29, 2011

I was having a conversation with an elder and he told me that he was often thinking about past events that impacted his life. He told me few stories and they were all about wrongs that he felt were done to him.

This man has had a wonderful long life with so many gifts, yet his focus is on the negative events.

I asked him: If it was painful when it happened years back, why would you want to continue to re- live the experience over and over again. It wasn’t fun the first time!

We all have experienced unpleasant situations and often we focus on and remember them more than the pleasant ones. Our negative experiences stem from either something that was done to us, something that we did, or something that we had no control over. We perpetuate whatever feelings we had and bring them into the present day.

Our reality is created by our mind.

If we would focus on the uplifting and happy events, we would live with more gratitude.This would bubble over into our relationships and experiences, helping us to stay present in the moment, fully participating in our daily life. We could live with my peace, ease and joy.

It's our choice.

What do you want your focus to be today? Let me know in the comments below.

Tags: ease, focus, gratitude, happy, joy, mind, negativity, peace, relationships

Posted in: A Calm Perspective

Compassion is the Key

Posted by Ellen Sichel on August 12, 2011

Compassion is not religious business, it is human business, it is not luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability, it is essential for human survival.” Dalai Lama

This quote from the Dalai Lama is quite powerful. One definition of compassion is: Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.

This is a practice of shifting your focus away from our judgments and separateness from others to seeing the suffering of others, even those who you do not like.

Relieving suffering is not about fixing anything or forgiving anyone, but showing up to life with openness, kindness, fullness and peace.

Your presence affects those around you. When you realize that we are all connected as humans and you can choose to live more peacefully with compassion, rather than allowing your emotions to negatively impact your well being and the wellbeing of others.

Let me know in the comments below if you were able to focus on compassion. If not, what do you think got in the way?

Tags: compassion, Dali Lama, emotions, peace, suffering, well-being

Posted in: A Calm Perspective