New state, new home, next chapter, Yipee!

The Story
It has been almost a year since the passing of my mom and I never imagined the impact it would have on my life decisions. The realization that my mother’s generation was slowly disappearing saddened me and catapulted me into the reality that that I was now part of the “elder” generation (Oy, scary thought!) and for the first time I really experienced vulnerability of body and mind.  I am not alone in this feeling and am giving myself time to accept this new reality.  Of course I will always stay the fun, immature, and often wise person I have always been!
Over the years I heard my mother regret things she put off- a visit from a friend, a trip, a phone call, even a downsizing from a big house.  No matter how big or small the event, waiting was costly.  I decided to learn from her regrets and go for it now.  Life can change any moment, so why do we put things off?  I’d say fear is at the core.  Stay safe or step out.  Hmmm, I am choosing the latter and yes, still with a bit of fear. My children have been my best teachers.

Where To Go?
Robert and I made a list of what we wanted, negotiated a bit, and then picked a spot:

• East coast of the US –easier to visit kids and NY family.
• Warm weather:  Yes, we are turning into our parents!
• Near beaches and boating.
• Pretty foliage and nature.
• A house in a planned community (not over 55)- We enjoy all ages.
• Community that takes care of our grounds.
• Arts, culture, and diversity.
• Enough space for visitors,
• Lot’s of golf courses.
• Walking distance to workout facility.
• Not too far from Atlanta so it is easy to have visitors or visit Atlanta.
• Outdoor kitchen, pool, and jetted spa- My daughter said shed visit more if we had this!
• Water view (alligators included.)
• Great farmers market and fresh yummy food.
• Opportunities to work part time.
• Walking trails and bicycling.

We found it!  The Sarasota area.. We researched the area we wanted, purchased a new home and we are thrilled. We have no friends in Sarasota- Good I’m not shy.
All of this has got me thinking about the evolution of our lives- some are relocating, some staying here with children and grandchildren, some loving life in Atlanta, and others are uncertain of what is next. Since we have no children nearby we wanted to find a home that would be a fun gathering place for our family (hint, hint kids!)
Risk and Reward
I can tell you that the risk is worth it and moving forward in life offers excitement, growth, and opportunity.  It will push me to ground myself even deeper into who I am and explore what makes my heart sing. Some people told us to rent first, to wait- waiting is no longer an option.  Wait for what?  Nope, now is the time.
After 38 years in Atlanta we have built community and I will certainly miss my friends and colleagues. I hope in the next few months before our permanent move late September, I can get together with some of you. I will continue to send newsletters, hopefully on a more consistent basis- stay tuned.

Well, Here’s to new  beginnings, new adventures, and moving  to new places!  – Dr. Seuss

I’ve Broken My Shoulder: You’ve Got to be Kidding!

The Story:
August and September have been extremely difficult.  It started with the passing of my Mom and since then, I have traveled back and forth to NY for a week at a time to pare- down her house, I have spent more time back in my home town in Long Island, NY in the past two months (freshening up on my NY accent,) than in the 37 years.  Before Mom died, I had teamed up with Dr. Brenda Paulen to help her in her community outreach.  I was building momentum, which has now gone by the wayside.  Okay, I can deal with all of that and stay in gratitude, but I do have limits.

Two weeks ago, I was (un-mindfully) rushing at a department store to return something before the store closed, and in a flash, my sneakers stopped short and I went down on my right shoulder- crack– a sound no one wants to hear. Damn, the floor was way too flat and clean! I had broken the ball joint of my shoulder and jarred my entire body. Of course, my right side is my dominant side.

My husband was in the mall and quickly came back to take me to the ER where they told me I had cracked my shoulder in two places.  They proceeded to put me in what felt like a straight- jacket (Hmmm, maybe that was a hint about my mental state.)  As it was a Friday night, I had to wait until Monday to see an Orthopedic.  The name they gave me seemed okay, until I looked him up- knees were his specialty.  Really?

The Doctor’s Visit:
I researched and found a shoulder specialist at Resurgens, and was taken on Monday.  After he examined me, he gave me some good news- no surgery needed,and I could use a normal sling.  Progress.  I still let him know that I hurt like hell and was not a happy camper.  He then quoted something I teach- “It is what it is, while it is, the way it is, until it changes.”  Go figure, years back I had taught a lunch and learn series at Resurgens and he was in my class!  The ultimate walk your talk payback.

Resistance and Progress:
I have had to ask for help in everything from driving, putting on my bra, cutting my food, lotioning my left arm, and the list goes on.  I hate asking for help.  Some of you might be thinking- “the universe is telling Ellen to slow down.”  If one more person tells me that, I will smack them with my left hand!

I’m now two weeks into this and the pain is much better, I was able to tie my sneakers- I guess all my yoga has kept me flexible- I was able to tie it and tighten in by using my teeth- such talent.  Sometimes it’s the small successes that keep me moving forward.  I no longer have to sleep sitting up, and can sleep without the sling as long as I wedge my arm next to my body- progress.  My yoga teaching days have come to a screeching halt, giving me the opportunity to get creative with my work. Most importantly, my sense of humor is slowly returning.

The Moral:
Throughout the day we face all sorts of emotions and when we can allow ourselves to simply be with what is, rather than resist, things shift more quickly.  As I was reminded- “It is what it is, while it is, the way it is, until it changes.” And, it will change- that I guarantee!

Hope to see you all soon!

My Mom- The End of an Era…

The Story
This article took me a while to begin.  Mom passed away a few weeks ago. She went with grace- the way she lived her life. The last parent to go and the end of a generation.
My mother was a true lady and embodied her generation to the fullest.  She never spoke badly about anyone, she always dressed nicely sporting a different scarf daily.  She looked put together and neat, with her hair in place (guess I did not inherit that trait.)  She was a humble beauty. She loved my dad and was his ardent supporter for over 72 years until he passed away.  She had her own ideas and was her own person. She was so proud of any accomplishment from her children, no matter how small.

She worried a lot- about everyone and everything- from our health to the unopened pile of mail. She had seen it all- WWII, the Great Depression, Women’s Suffrage, the Civil Rights movement, and the state of our current world.  She watched as we have taken steps backward and she worried for our and future generations. She loved her generation and watched it change- sometimes loving the change and sometimes not quite understanding it. She stayed educated as she read the NY Times daily.

Mom was a generous woman and supported many organizations.  One of her favorites was Hadassah, a international powerful women’s health and advocacy non-profit. Hadassah hospital in Israel was founded by this group. My sister was a president of her group making mom proud. Although mom made me a life member years back, I did not follow in my sisters footsteps- I stayed away.

What Made Mom Happy
A few years ago I spoke at a Hadassah regional meeting and what I saw was a highly intelligent and powerful group of women with a mission of improving the world. So, like the all or nothing person I am, I soon became active and have been president of the Health Professional Group of Atlanta chapter for two years. Mom was so happy.

Currently, I am co-running a very big Atlanta Hadassah  event that mom would love because she would learn something.  Gender Equity in Medicine.  The focus is on the fact that  women are treated and tested based on male cells and it is dangerous to women’s health. We are not little men- so why is there a disparity in testing and how can we change the current reality?  One of my favorites, Barbara Streisand has spoken out about this issue especially in heart health.  She has a bit larger platform than I (ya think??) but I do the best I can. The event is in Atlanta Sunday, September 10^th.  If you are local, take a look at our all-star lineup and join me in educating myself and fostering change.  We are certified to provide CEU’s for nurses. Tickets

The Moral 
My mother never liked me to get upset, no matter what was happening around me.  The truth is that getting upset and feeling powerless causes stress and anxiety (yes, it all comes down to stress!)  My only antidote is to speak up and be a change maker, and yes at times to Robert’s dismay- yell at the TV.
Here is what I do to foster change- I donate as mom did to organizations that have my values, I involve myself with others who share in my core values of human rights, I am active in running programs that are of service to humanity, and to try daily to walk my talk.
Yes, mom would be proud of me and would want this program to rock.  Please check it out, join me, and share with all those you know.

Mom, I miss you and hope you and dad are rocking in his green Packard.  Love and hugs…

My Mouth is for More Than My Foot! Who Knew??

My Zip-Line Lesson: You Might as Well Let Go!

Our vacation
Robert and I had a wonderful Vail and Santa Fe vacation.  Our most memorable activity was our first ever zip-line experience.
While in Vail and Robert had the idea to try zip-lining.  I was shocked at this suggestion as he is afraid of heights and does not have great balance.  I went along with this, hoping he would change his mind.  The control freak in me was not thrilled with his suggestion.  My husband feeling was- if not now, when?

We went to the adventure center (the word adventure was my clue for what was about to take place), and the only zip that was open was the extensive 7 zip excursion.  Yes, zip to zip to zip, with platforms and ski lifts in between.   Well it was a go-big or go-home decision. No turning back after the first zip.

We suited up, walked up the first log ladder and stood there, ready and scared.  We were told to sit back in the harness and allow it to hold us.  Okay, here we go- I went first after one of our guides.  To my surprise I enjoyed myself but held on for dear life.  Robert was next to go and he white knuckled it the entire way.

The zip-lines

After the first zip, I let go, sat back and enjoyed the exquisite landscape, figuring if the line snapped I would be dead whether I held on tight or let go- so why not go for it?  Robert continued to hold on tight enjoying the experience.

By the last two zips, I had totally let go, holding my arms out and screaming in delight.  I appreciated the joy and freedom that came with letting go and fully surrendering to the experience. I also realized how much I love excitement and fun, and in my daily life and do not get enough of it.

What is the point in this experience?  Change things up, enjoy my day, and most of all to stop the “shoulds” and pressures I put on myself about money and judgment of my productivity. I want to simply embrace and enjoy what I do, plain and simple.

My takeaway and new venture
With this said, in my Custom Calm work, I will still speak and offer programs.

Keeping with my theme of challenging myself and having fun, I am joining forces part-time with a colleague to be her Community Connections Manager.  In a nutshell, I will be doing the activities I love doing:  Promoting, networking, speaking, connecting, writing for a 1-doctor dental practice whose work is in line with mine- health centered with a customized approach (yes your mouth is part of your body!)  This practice works with many patients with chronic illness- one of my specialties as well.  You will be hearing more about Dr. Brenda Paulen of Proud Smiles soon.  It’s a funny story how I came upon this opportunity.  I will save this for my next newsletter..

My challenge to you
Summer is the perfect time to let go a bit more, have fun, and do what you love. Try something that makes you a bit nervous and push your limits.  It is quite freeing.  My zip line experience taught me that holding on tight only brings tension- if I’m going to crash, at least I want to enjoy the ride!  I would love to hear about your new experiences.

Happy 4th!

Dealing With Difficult People: Stop Wrestling the Greased Pig!

– This morning, as I was listening to the latest fiasco in the news, a previous blog I had written came to mind.  It offers some sage advice about dealing with difficult people and events. My previous story I received an email from a friend who was struggling greatly with a difficult person.  At the end of the email she quoted Abraham Lincoln: If you wrestle with greased pigs, you both will get dirty but the pig will enjoy it.  I thought about the truth of this statement, but will take it a step further: If you continue to think about the greased pig, you are still getting dirty and the pig has already moved on! My previous post- advice reminder Yes, challenging people show up in our lives no matter how much we try to surround ourselves with harmonious relationships. When you are in the midst of hearing about or dealing directly with a difficult person you can easily get obsessed in the spiral of trying to understand the persons behavior. What happens is when you constantly think about the situation, you perpetuate the hurt or struggle. Even if you are absolutely in the right, your mind is still in the pen with the pig, not where your feet are planted.  The answer is simple, but not so easy- move away from the pig and get back in your body. The next time you find yourself thinking about a difficult person or a past or current wrong, move into simple action: Notice your thoughts Get a clear image of yourself in the mud with the swine- (just the image could pull you back into reality!) Get out of the pen and wipe the mud off Take a breath Feel your feet on the floor Notice your surroundings Remember it is not a right-wrong/good-bad, but your sanity that is top priority. Hmmm, maybe what I need is to cut out a picture of swine and put a picture of me with it- now that would be a great reminder.  I also might not only have to wipe the mud off, but take a nice hot bath!

Airline Chaos: What the #*&x! is going on???

Every day we see another crazed event surrounding airlines both on and off the plane. Luckily, I have a month to brush up on my boxing skills or buy a helmet before my vacation!

My thoughts
I have been giving this some thought and put it out to my husband.  He feels that it has always happened but now we have the ability to catch it on video.  I’m not sure I agree.

I think the culprit is the tension that is prevalent in our country, triggering impatience and anger..It is a constant low level anxiety, and I for one have been dealing with it on a daily basis.  I am afraid It’s not going away any time soon. So what does one do about it?

Well, as a realist it will take some action on our part.  How do you remain calm (or sane) in the midst of the chaos around you?  It is not about avoiding what is or being asleep and wishing things would be different.

I have chosen to break my silence and write about this- partially to hear my own solutions and partially because it is part of our daily reality.  We are going through a really crappy, turbulent time (to put it nicely) and it has been going on for a few years now- sadly, it is escalating.

Some help
Here are my simple sanity thoughts:  Stay present.  A mindful practice throughout your day will help.

• Notice what is going on around you, without judgment
• Notice the tension in your body
• Notice your thoughts at any given moment
• Notice your feelings
• Do not try to change how you feel
• Do not try to make sense of what is happening
• Hang out with people that share your values and talk about positive topics
• Balance any proactive activities you are involved in, with the rest of your life
• Add something uplifting to do or read on a daily basis.
• Remember, there is only so much negativity you can handle before it seeps into your cells. Been there and it is not pretty, so take care of you!

  In any given moment

• Pause before you do or say anything.
• Take an inhale and a slow exhale
• Get in your body: Feel your feet connect to the floor and look at your surroundings.
• Make eye contact with someone who is struggling.  We all need some compassion.

Change it up
No matter how evolved you are, it is a time to increase whatever you do to keep yourself spiritually fit.  You might even have to change up or add to your routine.  For example, most days I try to get still and follow my thoughts in a mindful way.  On some days my thoughts take me into the gutter, so a different practice is needed.  Maybe simply sitting outside and noticing nature and feeling the air against my skin will be my practice, or maybe a quick walk is needed.  To force or expect yourself to do what is usually effective, will be counterproductive.

It is t time to be kind to yourself.  Give yourself a break and Lighten Up. If you are planning a vacation, make sure to fill the well.  Of course, if you are afraid of the dreaded air travel, go ahead and drive- you might get there faster!  Stay safe and be well. .

Kid’s & Stress: Need I Say More???

Stressed Out Trailblazers: We Want You!

Perfection is Overrated: That’s Great News for Me!

The back story
A former client sent me wonderful comment about my last newsletter. If you have not yet read it, check my blog.  She wrote:  I LOVE S’mores!  I feel that so much of what you taught me has become hardwired. I am so thankful for your guidance and friendship – you truly changed my life. 

Now, that is an amazing testimonial, wouldn’t you agree? You would think I would take that in and kvell in the gift she gave me.  I did for a moment and was grateful for her response.  But then, I took a turn-  I replied and thanked her, then added a comment that I had made a typo on the title (no looking back please J)  Oy, why would I do that?  A compliment can be difficult for many, and I see I am still one of them.

She gave me a perfect response: Perfection is overrated.   

My thoughts
We tend to be tough on ourselves when we make a mistake.  We also tend to dismiss a compliment pretty darn quickly.  I wonder why this is?
There is some odd notion that we must do things perfectly or we look “less than.”  Think about it.  The feedback she gave me was a gift, yet my focus was on letting her know I made a mistake.  Really Ellen?  The awe of improving someone’s life vs. an extra letter in a word.  Hmmm, that is a no-brainer, yet I got caught in the trap of perfection.

The concern about my error (that she did not even notice) clouded my ability to take in the lovely affirming note she wrote about my work.  I took what was an opportunity to really appreciate my gifts and chose to focus on my small error.

• I get tripped up in trying to look a certain way and to make a mistake makes me seem less professional.  What the heck is that about?
• Even though I am getting much better, it is still my tendency to dismiss a compliment.

One day soon
One day, I too will get new behavior around this issue “hardwired” as she has.  Even when I get tripped up, I will remember her wise words:    Perfection is overrated…
Thank you my student, friend, and teacher. You are one smart cookie!
Write your comments on my blog. I love to hear from you.  Also, stay tune for some exciting new programs.

P.S. For those who come to the Cancer Support Community in Atlanta, I decided to share the Saturday yoga class with another instructor.  Will see you on April 1^st– no kidding!

Hope to see you soon.

Warm regards,