My NY Bagel Debacle:  Never Again!

Recently both of my daughters and myself flew to NY to spend Mother’s Day with my mom.  It was a treat to have us all together with my sister and brother and their families.

Of course no NY visit would be complete without NY Bagels.  If you are from the south and you think the bagels here at the chains are good bagels- you are mistaken.  Most of their bagels are baked and I refer to them as “rolls with holes”.  They are yummy, but not a true bagel.  Bagels are boiled, not baked and what makes NY bagels superior to a real southern bagel is the water they are boiled in.

NY Bagels can even be colorful- a perfect match for my younger daughters hair!

Enough about your bagel lesson.  What I want to share is a lesson I learned about the power of the bagel.

Before we left we visited our favorite bagel shop to purchase bagels to take home.  My daughter was giving a dozen bagels as part of a house warming gift.  All together we bought two dozen.

Since two dozen bagels are quite heavy, I got the bright idea to wrap them very well, pack them, and send them through luggage. All went well and our precious bagels arrived safely in Atlanta.

The problem arose when I opened my suitcase.  The smell of the well packed onion bagels satiated every last item in my bag, including my bag!  I had to take the bag out of our bedroom as it was stinking everything up.

I proceeded to wash everything, even my raincoat.  Still a mild smell.  I wiped out my bag with a surface wipe which did not help.  Still onion smell.  The icing on the cake (or bagel) was what happened the following morning when I went to open my makeup case, which smelled of bagels.  When I applied my foundation, there was an odor coming from my makeup brushes-onions.

OY VEY!  Big mistake.

Today I went to the store and bought heavy duty Mr. Clean- success at last! I can finally store my suitcase.  As for my makeup brushes, a quick washing will hopefully work.

If you are around me and smell something mouthwatering, it is my new scent- Ode de NY Onion Bagel.

You might be wondering what this has to do with stress (or maybe you’re not.) The lessons here are:

• Don’t take yourself too seriously
• Have fun and laugh
• Stay open to learning something new every day
• Laugh at yourself even when you make some bad choices

For me, I have gained even more respect for the NY bagel.  They do not skimp on the onions!

Symphony or Soloist? You Get to Choose!

Recently my husband and I attended the Carol King songbook symphony.  My husband looked around the room and joked that the audience looked like the same group as the recent Bruce Springsteen concert (we baby boomers have great taste!)

The symphony was accompanied by three wonderful Broadway vocalists.  As I listened and watched the full scope of what was happening, I was mesmerized.  What struck me was how much there was to notice at the same time.  When the vocalists joined in, the experience was exhilarating.

You might be wondering what this has to do with my work in pain, and chronic illness.

Think about how much there is to notice each and every second.  Every moment there is a full symphony of sounds, smells, sensations, thoughts, emotions, and so on.  Often we get caught up in focusing on only one thing, shutting out the rest, and leaving us missing out on most of what is in front of us.  If I had only been focused on the pianist, I would have missed everything else.

This relates to mindfulness – the ability to stay anchored in the present moment, expanding your awareness to all that is happening- without judgment.  For example, at this very moment I am writing this newsletter, aware of fatigue in by body, my dog making noises, the cars passing by, my stomach rumbling, sensation in my hip, my mind wandering to the sunshine outside, my feet on the floor, and my fingers pressing the keyboard.  I am sure there is more to notice, but you get the idea.  If I got into judgment about any one of these, I would be missing most of my experience, because my mind would be somewhere in the future or past.

So, there you have it.  You get to choose your experience.  Do you want the full symphony or only the percussion?  I want the symphony (percussion included.)

It is a constant daily practice of noticing it all, anchoring yourself in the present moment.  Let me be clear, it is noticing it all at the same time, not a game of ping pong – going from one thing to the other.

Spring is a great time of year to begin to cultivate this approach.  Take in the smells, colors, sounds, and sensations. When you are outside, engage your senses and see for yourself how much richer your experience is. Who knows, maybe you will notice an Easter egg hiding somewhere.

Happy Spring!

I Am the Worst in Class: How much fun is that?

I had to write about my latest experience – maybe you can relate.   

My work with those dealing with high stress or chronic conditions include many techniques and perspectives.  With all that I teach, there is one more ingredient that is vital to success:  Finding balance by getting back to doing the things that we used to enjoy.  Even if you are unable to do exactly what you used to enjoy, then dive in and try something new.

I took my own advice (yes, I was out of balance) and signed up for a jewelry class.  I had always wanted to try this and finally gave myself permission to commit my precious time to a weekly class.  I signed up for a beginners class (an improvement for this overachiever!)  I am learning how to light a torch, how to solder, make a bezel, sand down metal, cut out designs and more. In the class, there are many who have previously taken this class.

I had to purchase materials and am happy to report that I did not invest in sterling silver (tempting as that was) for my first project, just to take the pressure off.

Our first project was a simple ring, which went well except I jump every time I light the torch, and got tiny cuts from snipping the solder. My first ring turned out well, with a decent soldering job and a bit of hammered texture.  Feel like a kid in art class!   I just finished my third class and must admit I still jump when turning on the torch, but no longer cut myself.  Ahhh, making definite progress.

I bring this up because I remember the last class I signed up for a few years back.  It was a mosaic class with students at mixed levels of experience.  Rather than picking a simple coaster for my first project, I decided that I could handle a Lazy Susan.  That was  not challenging enough – I made spiral designs.  No wonder why I quit!  My overachiever was alive and well, derailing me from enjoying myself.

I remember a conversation with my older daughter.  I was telling her that I wanted to learn to knit scarves and I was going to take a class.  She laughed at me and said; “Mom, you will either quit in a week or open a knitting store!”  She was correct – I quit after one lesson.

I have learned a lot since then.  I am now happy to be the slowest, least knowledgeable in the class.  I am really having fun just being inexperienced me.  After all, aren’t we supposed to have some fun without it being a contest of comparing, competing, and over achieving?

When I allow myself to simply be a beginner, I am able to stay present with what I am doing while enjoying the process.

I also love a challenge and always will, but allowing myself to balance work with play gives me more stamina and willingness to step up to the hard stuff.

Begin to notice when you are comparing yourself with another.  Also, notice when you are comparing yourself to your own high standards. What might happen if you allow yourself to just be where you are?  I would venture to say that your experience will be much richer, less stressful, and enjoyable.

Try it and see for yourself.  Feel free to let me know how it goes.

Meditation in a Car Wash? That sounds crazy!

My daughter and I took my car through the car wash.  She has the ability to make the most mundane activity into a playful, exciting experience.  When my girls were young one of the greatest gifts I received as a mom was permission to be totally childlike.  Somewhere along the way, I lost some of that playfulness, until recent years.  I let go giving a S@!% what others think about me and have not only regained this playfulness, but took it to a whole new level.  One of the benefits of wisdom… or is it age?

This is what happened in the carwash:  I watched the water, noticed the sounds from the water, the scrubbers, and blowers. Some were loud and some pulsing, others soft like a light rain.  I looked at the soapy bubbles the colors, and textures.  I laughed with my daughter at the wonder of it all.

I would have missed all of that if I was on my cellphone, thinking about what I had to do after the car wash, or trying to just “get my errand over with.”  This mundane experience reminds me that everything we do is part of our day.  How we interact with what we do is what uplifts us and determines how our day goes.   

This is the essence of mindfulness meditation.  Being where your feet are planted.  Noticing, being aware of it all without judgment.

You might be thinking; “But Ellen, this is multi-tasking. I will get dizzy.” Ah, that is where we get caught up. You do not need to get distracted by one or the other because it is all part of the present experience. It is not one or the other, but allowing it all to be in any given moment.

See if you can notice:

•    What do I see?
•    What do I hear?
•    What do I smell?
•    What do I feel?

This is simply awareness of what is going on in any given moment.  Your mind will take you away from this into the future or past.  All you need to do is notice you are thinking and come back to the moment by engaging your senses.

Start with a daily task.  A bath, a shower, the market, dry cleaner, or of course the awesome car wash.

Let me know how it went and don’t forget to have some fun with this.  The practice of meditation does not have to be all “serious” and “zen.”

Why not approach this as a child would–full of wonder and play.  If you have trouble, I am happy to teach you how.  After all, I learned from the best–my kids, (and a ton of training)!

Warm regards,

I Went Back in Time: And it was great!

I had the pleasure of attending my summer camp reunion. They were celebrating their 95^th year. As a child, my sister and I went to Camp Fernwood in Maine for 8 weeks (my parents promise they missed us terribly!) My sister was the perfect camper, playing by the rules. I, however, loved to break the rules and had mixed memories of my camp experience–unsure if I had made a mistake in coming.

I have been to my high school reunion and made sure to look my best. After all, I was not in the cool group and needed to impress. I will be joining my husband at his upcoming 40th law school reunion and was concerned about looking great in front of his old girlfriend, until he informed me she was 72 (about 7 years older than he is). He told me not to worry–people will think I am his trophy wife!

My camp reunion was different. No makeup (well almost), sloppy shirts and t-shirts, no hair styling, and no one cared what you did for a living, how much money you had, whether you were single, divorced, married, kids, grandchildren or anything else.  Fourteen of us wanted to be together in a cabin with no power and one bathroom–somehow it was okay.

There were campers attending from the age of 15 to 85. I was catapulted back to a time where we all wore green and white, shirts (tucked in of course), slept in bunks that had no power, went to flag raising, canoed, swam, sang the same timeless songs, song lead, color war, campfire, and so much more.  Even my first year counselor was there.

It was a time of no hiding behind identities to impress others or create a sense of self.

I relate this to the core of yoga philosophy. Who are you beyond who you see yourself to be?  I had thought of myself as the trouble maker at camp, but the truth is, I was just being me: a bit of mischief, with no harm done.

I struggled at times during the weekend as many who attended had been to many reunions and had children who also attended camp. There were a lot of people, and I like peace and quiet. I began to feel a bit overwhelmed and not a part of it, so I went right to my comfort zone. I taught a group of campers some chair yoga. Ahhh, how we like our comfort zone. The great thing about that was I noticed this and made a decision to include myself rather than isolate. An opportunity and a choice to stay in solution.

All in all, the weekend was wonderful. I realize that my perception of my early experiences was focused on what I did not enjoy. Going back, I received the gift of remembering how much of it I loved.

Begin to notice what you do to get into your comfort zone. Notice if your focus is on the positive or the negative. You might realize that all you need to do is stay open to the possibilities and be just plain old you.

I have caught myself singing camp songs, even today. I will be returning for the 100th–maybe with some new pranks up my sleeve!

Let Go of Attachment? NO, I Don’t Want To!

We have all been there–we get attached to the results. I would say, not only attached but Superglued! This has been the theme of many of my clients as of late.

The problem with attachment is that it is the root of much of our pain and frustration.

Here are some examples:

I was at the airport, on line to board the plane.  In front of me was a grumpy woman trying to juggle her small children and her carry-ons.  I offered to help her and she muttered a yes.  After helping I was surprised that there was no “Thank You”.  After all, I was being a good person, right?  I should go down in the nice person hall of fame!  I smiled at myself as I realized that my actions had attachments, rather than doing the right action because I chose to.

This happens with holding the door for someone, letting someone in front of you in the car–we wait for the thank you wave, the nod, or smile.  The need for acknowledgment takes the pleasure out of your action.

What about the serious situations–painful experiences to either yourself or a loved one?  A family member, co-worker, your boss, or job. We say: When things improve, then I will be happier.  We expect another human being to act with a bit of humanity. We think: Is that too much to ask? What a schnook I’ve been! Or, I could just spit! (Oops, that’s my mother talking, and no, she never did spit!)

I get it.  However we all know that not everyone chooses to change their behavior, and they might be clueless.  We behave decently, but they do not.  We replay these situations over and over again, trying to figure out what makes them tick.  Meanwhile they are happy campers 🙂 and we are not :(.

Please Ellen, what’s the solution???

Okay, I am happy to say, there is one.  Begin to become aware of when you are attached.  Take a breath, plant your feet on the floor, and simply notice. You might even say to yourself; Hmmm, I’m attached. You might find some of the smaller stuff humorous.

For the big stuff, ask yourself: Do I really want to go down this road again?  How is this serving me? I will step out on a limb here–it is not serving you, no matter how right you are.

Remember that attachment to results is robbing you of joy. The next time “You could just spit!”, then just spit, get it out of your system, and go about enjoying your day.

I must finish with a special thank you to my mother for her great sayings. Thanks Marjorie!

Warm Regards,

Wow, Staggering Statistics about Autoimmune Disease!

Take a look at the following quotes from an article about autoimmune disease:

The National Institutes of Health (NIH estimates up to 23.5* million Americans suffer from autoimmune disease and that the prevalence is rising.

According to the Department of Health and Human Services’ Office of Women’s Health, autoimmune disease and disorders ranked #1 in a top ten list of most popular health topics requested by callers to the National Women’s Health Information Center.

As a person among the millions with autoimmune disease (I feel so honored to have 2), I understand how evasive effectively dealing with my illnesses can be.  The idea of managing a chronic illness is overwhelming and can easily take your life over. Why?

• There is no one answer
• The amount of information out there is daunting
• Treatment is often a guessing game
• We wait (and wait and wait…) to get better to get on with life
• We fight our reality–tooth and nail
• We forget who we were before our diagnosis
• We become like a dog with a bone: obsessed with finding the answer

This goes for family members as well as patients.

Okay, I have not painted a pretty picture, so let me move on to the solution.  YOU!

Yes, you hold the key. Autoimmune disease is impacted by your stress level, and stress not only robs you of your day but it exacerbates your symptoms.  Think about it:  When you react, get angry, stay tense, fearful, frustrated, what do you think you do to your organs?  Yes, you implode upon yourself–everything compresses and both you and your organs are not happy campers.  Also if you have pain and you react to it, you make it worse because you have tightened every muscle and blood vessel surrounding the painful area.

I see it time and time again.  Your outlook, emotions, symptoms and many conditions improve as a direct result of learning how to live life on life’s terms.

I want to scream from the rooftop:  Your illness does not have to take you over!  You do not have to wait to live life until things get better!  There is no magic cure for you!  And yes, you can improve and enjoy life; autoimmune disease and all!  However, it’s up to you.  

So there you have it.  I say this because I live and breathe it. This is my work, my passion, and I love helping people take charge of their life.  I am one lucky lady!

Sequel: Another Mistake? Just Another Day in the Life of Everyone!

My last newsletter highlighted the mistake I had made on my business cards.  For those who did not read it, check out my blog.  Below is the final section of the article:

The reality of the situation was:

• I made a mistake–it was not a reflection on who I am. It’s okay.
• I can easily order new cards.
• No one looks at the phone number on my banner anyway–I can order a new one when I am ready.
• I learned to have someone else do my final edits, even on a business card.
• I am still alive and well.  This is not a life altering experience.

The morals of the story:

1. It is clearly my reaction, not the event that shapes my experiences.
2. It is good I do not make my living as a proof reader!

Remember, we have our strong and weak attributes.  Ease up on yourself and enjoy the ride.

P.S.  If you are checking this for mistakes, let me know if you find one!

This sequel to the article is; Watch out for what you ask for in your P.S.!  Below are a few comments I received:

“This was great! It happens to each & every one of us. A dear client/friend of mine simply puts it like this: we are human!” 

“TY yep no one is perfect Feel free to have me check anything for you. I only saw one typo here hahaha” 

“Were you serious? I highlighted errors I found; wasn’t searching for any, but I was the go-to person in my store, for proofing any important memos. (see below) Replace with who and were, respectively.” 

“Even if there are mistakes in this letter, it was perfect!  I need to hear this message and will keep it in my in-box because I need to hear this again and again!  Thanks, Ellen!” 

“Great article!  Third paragraph, first sentence, 9th word.  I’m a better proofreader for others than myself!” 

“Wonderful! thanks so much!” 

“I love this! I especially love” I made a mistake; it was not a reflection on who I am”. It’s okay.”

“Congratulations on being human and wonderful!”

I shared the comments (exactly as they were written, some imperfectly) to illustrate my point.  Almost everyone appreciated my vulnerability because what I shared was so relatable.

One of my favorite authors who writes on this topic is Brene Brown.  This quote from her book, The Gifts of Imperfection is spot on:  “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day.  It’s about the choice to show up and be real.  The choice to be honest.  The choice to let our true selves be seen.”

For years, I tried to show up with my act totally together.  If anyone were to see my insecurities and mess-ups, what would they think?  Hiding behind “having it all together” was stressful and exhausting.  The moment I became more real with everyone, I was free to show you the crazy, imperfect, flawed, teacher that I am. I must admit, it is a lot more fun and much less stressful. I like being part of the human race (most of the time).

Now you know: I am not a good speller or proofreader, among other imperfections.  I am totally okay with that.

What about you?

P.S. Just got my new corrected business cards–all is well…