My last newsletter was titled I Am the Worst in Class: If you did not read it, check it out.
After I sent the newsletter, I received this email from my older daughter: How much fun it that?
Subject line: Ellen’s philosophy on being a beginner
If I am going to be a beginner, I am going to be the best damn beginner in the whole class. And I will write a newsletter about how excellent (expert, even) I am at being a beginner! I think you’re great!
After I stopped laughing, my first reaction was one of elation- my daughter was reading my newsletters! Then I started thinking about her response. She had me pegged. I am still an overachiever even when I am the worst! I have to face the fact- I am not cured from perfectionism.
I enjoy reading Brene Brown’s work. The focus of her book Daring Greatly is on vulnerability. Early in the book she talks about our fear of being ordinary. She says: “I know that yearning to believe that what I’m doing matters and how easy it is to confuse that with the drive to be extraordinary. I know how seductive it is to use the celebrity culture yardstick to measure the smallness of our lives.”
We can easily be seduced into measuring ourselves to others and feeling less than.
It is difficult to just be ordinary, part of the pack. I admit, using my jewelry class as an example is a stretch, but it reminds me of how many of us get caught in the spiral of wanting to be the best or extraordinary at something, and chase after the notion of what or where we should be. Even if we are really good at what we do, it is easy to find someone who is more successful and it robs us of feeling at ease with ourselves. I venture to say everyone deals with this. I have dipped into that space over the years and it is no fun.
As for my jewelry class, I guess I knew I could not be the best, so I am mastering being the worst. Last week I broke 4 blades trying to saw my necklace shape. I guess having my beginning necklace be a circular shape was a bit overachieving after all! I do see other beginners in the class making mistakes. Now I can go and just be oaky- not the best, not the worst (still up for debate!) Just part of the pack.
We all have areas where we excel and areas where we are not strong. When we accept that we are an ordinary part of the pack, we are able to relate more to others- a part of, rather than apart from. I will always strive to improve, and for now I want to improve just being Ellen- cute, messy, and fun!